Beautiful. I just found this story off steelandsparks – ugh, why didn’t I find this before? – and read it all in one go, and it is just so damn beautiful. The language and the style and the imagery and the descriptions and the present-tense writing and – and everything. Beautiful.
Especially the atmosphere. It’s . . . very, very dark. I have no idea how you’re doing it, but this entire story is this entirely uniform dark-gray color tinted with red in my head (storm clouds, anyone?) and I don’t think I’ve ever read a story quite so solidly red-gray, and I completely admire your ability to maintain atmosphere so well, because god knows I can’t if my life depended on it.
And the pacing. It’s – argh – perfect. I have nothing coherent to say (at all).
Minor points: Kept seeing “alright” used instead of “all right.” The latter is the accepted standard form in English. The former . . . isn’t (though considering how common it has appeared on the internet, it may become standard soon).
I like how Mustang refers to himself as Mustang in his head-voice, though I’m curious as to why he refers to himself as the Colonel also in his head-voice? Because that’s running a bit on the weird side. Huh.
Anyways, I hope this has a happy ending, though with the way things are going, that’s doubtful. (It does not help that I’m listening to depressing music right now too.) But I’m going to go ahead and be optimistic.
Friending you, if you don’t mind? (And then possibly dropping by your personal journal).
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2009-05-28 08:24 pm (UTC)Especially the atmosphere. It’s . . . very, very dark. I have no idea how you’re doing it, but this entire story is this entirely uniform dark-gray color tinted with red in my head (storm clouds, anyone?) and I don’t think I’ve ever read a story quite so solidly red-gray, and I completely admire your ability to maintain atmosphere so well, because god knows I can’t if my life depended on it.
And the pacing. It’s – argh – perfect. I have nothing coherent to say (at all).
Minor points: Kept seeing “alright” used instead of “all right.” The latter is the accepted standard form in English. The former . . . isn’t (though considering how common it has appeared on the internet, it may become standard soon).
I like how Mustang refers to himself as Mustang in his head-voice, though I’m curious as to why he refers to himself as the Colonel also in his head-voice? Because that’s running a bit on the weird side. Huh.
Anyways, I hope this has a happy ending, though with the way things are going, that’s doubtful. (It does not help that I’m listening to depressing music right now too.) But I’m going to go ahead and be optimistic.
Friending you, if you don’t mind? (And then possibly dropping by your personal journal).
Thanks for writing!