If he doesn't have to face those eyes, he can still pretend that Fullmetal is strong and impervious, and nothing like himself...
*cries* !!!
I think this line pretty much redeems alllll the trouble you went through over that scene. God, that kicks me right in the ribs. It speaks directly to the heart of who Roy is in this story, and connects us to him with such immediacy, that little further explanation is needed.
And anyway, this scene works fine. I suspect the source of your annoyance is that thing we both stumble into plenty; the difference between what you want to say and what you have the tools for right now. It's just a matter of practice and experience. Conditioning, like with the Bootcamp prompts.
Also, I bet all that revision work pays off in its own way, just in terms of the time spent putting words on the page. Even if you deleted a bunch of them. Nothing's ever wasted when you're wrestling creative problems. You always get something worthwhile out of it.
(yeah, you'll probably have to remind me I said that, next time I'm weeping and tearing my hair over BadBird or whatever. ;D )
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-09-20 05:58 pm (UTC)*cries* !!!
I think this line pretty much redeems alllll the trouble you went through over that scene. God, that kicks me right in the ribs. It speaks directly to the heart of who Roy is in this story, and connects us to him with such immediacy, that little further explanation is needed.
And anyway, this scene works fine. I suspect the source of your annoyance is that thing we both stumble into plenty; the difference between what you want to say and what you have the tools for right now. It's just a matter of practice and experience. Conditioning, like with the Bootcamp prompts.
Also, I bet all that revision work pays off in its own way, just in terms of the time spent putting words on the page. Even if you deleted a bunch of them. Nothing's ever wasted when you're wrestling creative problems. You always get something worthwhile out of it.
(yeah, you'll probably have to remind me I said that, next time I'm weeping and tearing my hair over BadBird or whatever. ;D )