pandora_culpa: (Ed golden eye)
[personal profile] pandora_culpa
So I was rooting around in my files tonight, looking for something to work on, when I found this little thing I'd written for [ profile] sister_coyote some time back. It was comment-fic, if I recall correctly; short and fun. So I thought I'd toss it up here, since all my other projects have slowed immensely due to a college semester that is trying to break me.

(If nothing else, I expect a renewed sense of excitement for writing come August, since [ profile] evil_whimsey and I will have an inspiring Writer's Bootcamp in the mountains. Huzzah!)

Anyhoo, silly ficlet. Enjoy.

Title: The Visit
Word Count: 568
Rating: PG13ish, since Ed has a pottymouth and also for a bit of sexual innuendo
Summary: It's only a brief visit. How much could possibly go wrong?

“I don't think I've ever seen you so nervous in my life.”

“Eh, fuck you,” Ed replied without any enthusiasm, still pacing like a lion in a cage. “You just have no idea what's about to blow in here.”

Roy stifled a smile, knowing that, in this mood, his lover would perceive it as mocking. “It's only a brief visit. How much could possibly go wrong?”

Ed stopped short in his endless perambulations around the room and turned to face him, eyes sober and shadowed. With great deliberation, he crossed the floor to stand in front of Roy, still looking up at him with a fatalistic expression.

“Look,” he said quietly, an undercurrent of tension making the word shake, “you know I love you, right? I fucking love you. More'n anything except maybe Al. You know that, right?”

Fingertips of concern began plucking at Roy. He didn't know what to make of this uncharacteristic behavior, and so he caught Edward up in a firm embrace, dipping his head until their foreheads touched. “Of course I do,” he replied. “I love you too.”

A heavy breath shuddered out of Ed. “Good,” he sighed and reached up to take two fistfuls of Roy's collar, yanking him down so that they were on eye level. “So understand, as much as I love you, I will fucking murder you if you leave me here alone with them.”

“Ed!” Roy choked against the grip at his throat. “I wouldn't-”

“Pull your goddamn intestines out through your mouth!” Ed hissed. “You try to sneak off and leave me to fend for myself, I will fucking do it, I swear!”

Scrabbling free of the painful hold, Roy gasped and then turned a hurt look on the man bristling in his arms. “What makes you think I would even consider it?” he asked, smoothing back Ed's bangs even as his heart beat out an unsteady rhythm in his chest. “I want to meet them.”

“You say that now,” Ed grumbled, “but for your sake, you better remember it later. You're military. She hates the military.”

The doorbell rang, and he turned deathly pale. “She's here,” he whispered, and before Roy had time to wonder why Ed spoke of their visitors in the plural, but only seemed to be afraid of her, the door opened with a crash and a fierce-looking woman with her hair done up in a multitude of thin braids marched into their home as if she owned it. Behind her was a giant of a man, easily the size of Major Armstrong, but Roy barely noticed him as the woman's presence filled the room.

“Stupid boy!” she roared, stomping straight up to loom over Ed. “Did you really think you could hide the fact that you've been living with a military dog from me?”

Ed seemed to be trying to burrow backwards through Roy's chest.

Transferring the glare to him, Izumi Curtis' smile spread like a razor cut across her face. “And you must be the dog himself,” she snapped, and Roy's spine turned to water. “Though since you're sleeping with my student, I sure as hell hope you're the bitch in the relationship.”

Death threats forgotten, it was probably a good thing that Ed was standing on Roy's foot.

Date: 2011-06-12 03:34 am (UTC)
ext_7375: Tsuzuki, OMG yaaaay. (Default)
From: [identity profile]
*lol* I'm glad you unearthed this!

Date: 2011-06-12 07:14 pm (UTC)
ext_27574: (FMA- Ed WAAHHH!!)
From: [identity profile]
*grins* Thanks for reading; I'm glad you enjoyed it! Funny, the things one finds lying around in writing folders... ;)

Date: 2011-06-12 04:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
BWAH-hahahahaha this is fantastic, oh god what a great scene.

I'll just be over here, giggling my head off now.

Date: 2011-06-12 07:19 pm (UTC)
ext_27574: (FMA- Ed WAAHHH!!)
From: [identity profile]
*points* See? I *used* to be able to write! That happened in like maybe an hour, tops, so what I want to know is why I can't do that now? Clearly the Muse has scampered off to Aruba, or- no! Dammit, I bet she's still at the cabin! Hmm, I'm gonna have to staple her to my side when we go up there in August. She's really not living up to her end of the bargain right now!

Heh, well, my neuroses aside, I'm glad you liked it! I remember it being fun to write; one of those things you just imagine and then churn out almost in one motion. Man, I love those. So considering how little effort went into it, it's nice that it made you giggle!

Date: 2011-07-07 03:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
This is glorious. XD
I don't have much else to say, really... except that this is one of the few stories I've read that has actually caused me to burst out laughing while reading it.

Date: 2011-07-11 12:10 am (UTC)
ext_27574: (FMA- Ed- happy Ed)
From: [identity profile]
(apologies for the late reply; thunderstorms knocked out my internet quite a while!)

Aw, thanks, I'm really glad you liked it. It's fun to write humorfic, when the inspiration strikes. Don't really think of myself as a humor writer, but it's nice to know that when I attempt it, it can turn out well. Thanks for reading! :)


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